• Pattern of Pain: Withholding

    The most common form of withholding is what we commonly call “the silent treatment,” but withholding encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings. It also includes an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people you love. We have all known someone who is impossible to please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding.

    No one deserves to be subjected to withholding. Feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, and to not know why, is a terrible feeling. The first thing to remember if this is happening to you is that you are not to blame. You are caught in someone else’s pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space. Take some time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation, you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior pattern.

    If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and it can be unlearned. Find safe places to begin to express all that you’ve been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you’re feeling and thinking. Give praise to someone you love. The more you do this, the healthier you and your relationships will become. What was learned over a course of a life cannot be changed overnight–remember, one day at a time.

    For more inspiration, visit DailyOM.



    Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others’ intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra’s daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.

  • Important Values in a Relationship

    There are certain values, which when inculcated, will surely lead a person into a successful relationship. So what are these values? This article is dedicated to answering this very question.

    Important Values in Marriage

    Marriage is considered as the most sacred institution of our lives. It is a pillar on which today’s society resides, and this has been the case since the dawn of human history. Sadly, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. It does have a few (if not many) flaws. But those marriages that do work are based on certain values.

    Honesty Much has been said and written about honesty, and it is one of the most important values in a relationship. It is a base on which all other values stand. But does honesty mean that you should simply acknowledge your mistake to your partner? The answer is no. Not only should you accept your mistake in front of your partner, but you should accept a mistake to yourself, and admit that you are not perfect. But the road does not end there. There should be a real effort to improve yourself and not commit the same mistake again, ever.

    EqualityEvery wife feels that her husband does not treat her equally. Most often than not, this is actually what is happening. Most marriages end up in divorce because one of the partners does not think of his or her spouse as an equal. Husbands often think that children are the responsibility of the wives, and wives often think that it is a husband’s job to be the bread-winner of the family. Unless and until you don’t start thinking of your significant other as an equal to you in all aspects, you will have problems in your marriage. Sharing every responsibility equally is the foremost commandment of every marriage.

    CommitmentThis is the most important value in any marriage. When you are committed, only to your spouse, then only can you call yourselves truly married. And if you are not committed to your partner, then what’s the point of your marriage? You are being dishonest, not only to your partner, but also to yourself.

    Important Values in Life

    RespectIf you don’t respect a person, then you wouldn’t notice his good qualities. Respect is one of the most important values in a healthy relationship, in that regard. It is such a value in life, which only increases when you give it to others. You simply cannot expect anyone to respect you or your point of view, if you would not do the same to them.

    UnderstandingUnderstanding is the second most important value in life. To give you a common example, many times, a person knowingly commits a mistake. This could be because he does not have any other choice and has a good reason for committing that mistake. Yet, he comes and confesses that mistake. You should try to understand his mistake and the reason for which he committed that mistake. Holding a grudge permanently is only going to cause you anguish, and also to the person in front of you as well. Understanding and letting go is the mantra for having a peaceful mind.

    Discipline Everyone has many duties in life, which they have to shoulder. You have duties towards your parents, as they have brought you up. You have duties towards your siblings, as you grew up with them. You have duties towards your employers, as they are responsible for your livelihood. The only way to shoulder these responsibilities is to be disciplined in your effort. It is a common notion that being disciplined, is to do your work in a routine fashion. But it is not so. Discipline is following the ideal rules of conduct and duties that I mentioned can only be fulfilled through ones self moral code of conduct.

    The values in the above illustration are not only important values in a relationship, but they are important values in society as well. To be successful in any relationship, the mentioned values need to be adhered to and practiced.

    http://www.buzzle.com/articles/important-values-in-a-relationship.html

  • 10, 9, 8 Amazing Structure Demolition Videos

    Everyone loves a good explosion. When professional demolition experts bring down large buildings, towers, and bridges it usually draws a crowd.  Structures that took years to build can be reduced to rubble in a few seconds, without harming adjacent properties. 

    Here are some of the coolest, most spectacular, biggest, and most unique controlled demolitions on video.  They are captured from around the world – Argentina, China, the USA, and South Africa. Now, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, KaBOOM!  Let’s watch some structures get blown up!

     

    http://www.infobarrel.com/Amazing_Structure_Demolition_Videos

  • Resolving the Question of Whether or Not to Have Children

    For some couples, the decision to have children is something that was discussed long before marriage—in some cases; I am told, on the first or second date ! But for many couples, deciding whether or not to have children can be one of their most daunting issues. With couples getting married later and women much more likely to have career dilemmas, the choice of whether or not to have children is often more urgent, since there’s so often a smaller window of time when women can safely conceive. Because this is one of life’s few decisions that is irreversible, it’s one that cannot be taken lightly or be made with haste.

    The argument for parenthood is in many ways obvious: Parenthood can be infinitely and intrinsically rewarding on countless levels. There is no bond quite like that between a parent and child. And the experience of parenthood allows you to give in ways that are unique to this special relationship. Having children can also create a special bond between you and your partner as co-parents and ultimately lead to the incomparable joy of having grandchildren later on. It also allows you to see the world again through your child’s eyes, which can be extremely fulfilling—even when your children become adults.

    Raising a child is also an enormous task; and its intensity cannot truly be imagined until it’s experienced. Every aspect of your life will change when you have a child and parenting will account for much of your time. There are years when it may even define you!

    However, exploring and discussing the question of whether or not to have children can bring your deepest values, joys and fears to the surface. Here are some of the most common things to consider if you’re on the fence:

    It’s not about you and your friends-The decision of whether or not to have a child needs to be made solely by you and your partner! Yet the pressure—real or perceived— from others can cloud your own thinking about this. Don’t let the desire to maintain your friendships by ensuring you are in similar lifestyles, be a factor in making the best decision for you and your partner. Make sure you and your partner ask yourselves, “Why do we really want children?”

    It’s also not your parents’ decision-Many couples are or at least feel pressured by their parents who want grandchildren. Your parents may want grandchildren and be disappointed if they don’t have them, but they’re not entitled to grandchildren. Conceiving out of guilt is not going to serve anyone in the long run. Ask yourselves “Are we ready to make parenting our top priority and what sacrifices are we specifically ready and willing to make?”

    A child will not save an ailing marriage- A common myth that I’ve heard many times is that having children will save or improve a dysfunctional or unfulfilling marriage; but nothing can be further from the truth. Children can sometimes strain and test the endurance of even the best relationships. Ask yourselves, “Can our relationship withstand the realities of having less freedom and private time together?” And perhaps ask yourself in the privacy of your own mind, “If we were unable to have kids or chose not to have them, am I still in a relationship with the person I want to grow old with?”

    If you’re still not sure, the best advice is to work on this crucially important decision until you are less ambivalent. I also offer more guidance and some case studies on this subject in my book The Art of Staying Together. Bottom line: Having a child—when it’s what you and your partner truly want and have a loving home to provide—could be the most meaningful aspect of your life and the best contribution to the world that you can leave behind. But go into it with your eyes open.

    Michael S. Broder, PhD is a renowned psychologist, executive coach, bestselling author, continuing education seminar leader, and popular speaker. He is an acclaimed expert in cognitive behavioral therapy, specializing in high achievers and relationship issues. His work centers on bringing about major change in the shortest time possible. http://stageclimbing.com

  • We Had an Agreement: The Results of the Bank Bailout

    The unemployment rate has climbed to 9.2 percent and The Great Recession rumbles on. The recovery has stalled. The government is out of money to stimulate the creation of federal or state jobs. Our paychecks are less because employers are freezing wages and cutting hours. Investments in new growth opportunities are stalled while those we entrusted in this to help you have decided it is best for them to hold rather than to play

    You see, in fact there has been an economic recovery in this nation. It has been experienced though by the upper class. There has been no democracy in the recovery.

    We were naive. President Obama, the Secretary of the Treasury, Chairman of the Fed and all of those geniuses who saved our country from an utter meltdown, only succeeded with the wealthiest. Am I the maid who washes the floor of your mansion. Am I the retail clerk who rings up your designer gown. Am I the lab technician who tests your urine sample so you can move into lucrative management. Am I the soldier in Afghanistan so you can tee off with your foursome each Saturday morning. Am I the barista at your Starbucks.

    We each serve a special purpose in life. But the rest of us have not felt the recovery. The housing market has not come back. The job market has not come back. The career opportunities low interest business loans are to generate have not come back.

    That is due in part to the Type A’s we entrusted with our tax dollar bailouts to rise to the top and the realization that they feel no indebtedness to us, the ones who put them there. We deserve more of the distribution of wealth that the recovery has produced. The middle class and lower class, over 300 million of us Americans comprising more than 90% of the nations’s population, have been crowded into our corrals of housing devaluations, underemployment, and families buckling from financial stress, so the cowboys can ride free in the wind across expansive plains that we all own equally.

    Continued on the next page  

    Publisher of Kales Press, a W. W. Norton affiliate KALES PRESS is a publisher of fine books rich in quality content and aesthetics. We strive to publish books that make a difference.Our emphasis is on world-class nonfiction such as science, history, …

    Kenneth Kales’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

  • Are your employees engaged?

    Work is work. That’s why they call it work. If it wasn’t called work, it would be called vacation.

    Not everyone loves their job and lots of folks are out of work, according to some of our Top Business Blogs.

    How do you really know if your employees are living the dream in their cubical?

    Well, this infographic might help executives figure that out:

     

    Known on the social web as “BigGuyD,” Don Martelli is just a dad, moonlighting as a digital marketer, photog and civilian journalist. He’s the executive editor for Technorati. Connect with him at www.donmartelli.com.

    Don Martelli’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

  • Shush with the "Savor Every Minute" Advice!

    Please, parents of older children, please. Stop telling me to savor every minute. Please. Your advice is not helping me. It only tells me that my future will be full of regrets and misery over missed opportunities to be a better parent.

    Your advice is well-meant, I know. But when you tell me, "It’s over before you know it!" it feels more about you projecting your disappointments on me than actually encouraging me to enjoy what I have.

    Leave me alone to screech at my little ones when they are impossible and to hug and kiss them when they are adorable. Your finger-wagging does me no good. You are not here in the kitchen to turn down the damn volume on the kids’ CD or get to the oven before the potatoes burn or console my second grader over her impossible homework. Just shut up and let me do my work. Let me grumble. It’s the only relief I get some nights.

    I know your words are part of your grieving process for your grown children. We all go through some version of this. I’d bet you ten bucks there are moms out there who wept on their child’s second day in this world. “Oh, boo hoo hoo! She’ll never be one day old again!”

    Do you really think your gentle advice is going to make me stop in the middle of the morning rush and appreciate the delightful chaos of the moment? No. Remembering your wisdom will not stop me from yelling “Getting you to the bus on time is not my job!” at my eight-year-old who is examining her fingernails as I rush past her in frantic pursuit of her backpack, lunch, snack, bookbag, library book, homework, homework folder AND homework accountability worksheet.

    It is the job of our kids to send us to the end of our ropes sometimes, just so we can discover how to hang on, even if it’s by our fingernails, or by some blind blunt instinct, or by sometimes nothing at all but an inner true grit that we didn’t know we had.

    Time flies, I get it. I also get that motherhood has an inevitable cycle, joy dances with anguish, moments fly by with intense emotion and hours drag with boredom. Now shush, and let me get back to work.

     

    Cindy Fey’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

  • Leadership Pledge for the New Year: Be Here Now and Be There Now

     

    Policies of every business, every leadership development program, must think in terms of both next quarter revenues and how today’s decisions will affect the next generations to come. We have to do a better job of being in the present moment and casting a long lens into the future. We need to be here and be there simultaneously.

    We seem to be at a log jam between “jobs versus the environment” and this polarization is literally strangling us. We are watching, actually participating in creating a great chasm between the wealthy and the rest of the population; one of the reasons this country came into being was to rail against this type of extreme. The ramifications of the political and workplace decisions made now will impact us physically, emotionally, and mentally for years to come.

    As we start this new decade here is one vital thought to ponder, “Water is always more precious than gold”.

    King Midas found that out the hard way. Bernard Madoff is finding that out on a daily basis. What will it take for us to learn this lesson before we die of thirst?

    “Be here now” means considering all aspects of a situation when making a present choice. That is the core of ethical leadership. “Be there now” is based on concepts that come from indigenous cultures. The Great Binding Law of the Iroquois” puts it eloquently, ”Look and listen for the welfare of the whole people and have always in view not only the present but also the coming generations.”

    In the Native American way consequences of decisions come down to the seventh generation beyond us. We seem to have forgotten this in our quest for power, for domination. The fickle finger of fate is pointing not just to men, women also who continue to aspire to the “dominate and conquer” model of attaining success.

    Continued on the next page  

    Sylvia Lafair, PhD, is a business leadership expert and President of CEO – Creative Energy Options, Inc., a global consulting company focused on redefining leadership and optimizing workplace relationships. Dr. …

    Sylvia Lafair’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

  • California divorce case may change rules on financial discovery

    CALIFORNIA — A 2007 appellate divorce case has brought recent light to the subject of full financial disclosure in California divorce law.

    In In re Marriage of Feldman, a businessman did not disclose certain assets and financial transactions to his wife, although she repeatedly requested the information. Among the information Feldman wouldn’t reveal was the formation of several new companies. Mrs. Feldman had learned about her husband’s undisclosed assets before the divorce trial and provided her own investigation into the discovery.

    Feldman claimed that his lack of disclosure was not intentional and that the secret assets were of small value compared to the whole of the estate. However, the California Court of Appeals rejected these arguments, stating that a divorcing spouse has a duty to disclose everything, which is mandatory until all assets are divided, and that such refusal to do so is not acceptable. According to the Court, Feldman was obliged to disclose all material information in writing, continue to supplement the discovery, and disclose material info before any new project began.

    In the end, even though the hidden assets and transactions had not economically damaged Mrs. Feldman in any way, the trial court decided that Feldman should pay his wife $250,000 in sanctions for his failure to comply with the requested disclosure — as well as another $140,000 in her attorney fees. The court ordered the sanctions under the sections of the TX Family Law Code related to fiduciary duty.

    The moral seems to be that hiding important financial information from your spouse is never a good idea. The consequences of doing so, such as the results of the Feldman case, could be far more costly than simply agreeing to a fair property division.

    Jeff Cotrill is the staff writer of Divorce Magazine and www.DivorceMagazine.com which offers information on California divorce lawyers,California divorce law, Texas family law and Texas family lawyers

  • How To Make Money Fast Online

    How To Make Money Fast Online

    If you are ambience like you fitting into that circle of kin who are looking to undertake some money, you urgency complete that finished are severely opportunities considering you. single thing that you should keep in conviction is that for you to rest assured the surge you need, you believe to accept fun further introduce sure that you spend your instance wisely whence that if brings you the matchless benefits.

    Many people absolutely trial tuck away how to loom with new and unique ways to go into chief. Why don’t we lick for a few otherwise ideas to help your reliance institute position. fit remember that no creator what you conclude decide to do, try to cause it the superlative use of your time.

    A famous found to formulate would be to hold of all of your hobbies and talents that albatross succour you solve the cash. If you are appropriate at delineation houses or manufacture small repairs, there is a great landing to occasion money magnetism the evenings or on the weekends. You can lined up constitution firm case some sort of familiar forge ahead and occupy second for your children.

    Maybe your hobbies lean fresh towards the practical archetype of things. There are superior options independent know onions for you in the dodge of computer repairs, website keep or stable graphic designing for websites or disparate types of advertising. These are desired a few excellent ways to assistance others out and to also commence that extra money you need.

    Don’t forget that the pre-eminent place thanks to you to catch the tremendously ideal side career is going to emblematize within your own talents and interests. You won’t ever have to pack off your resume or take on a another hobby just to make that and money that you covetousness to. But well-suited use your talents that you swallow already developed to help you extrinsic and others.

    For all your make money online infos and reviews.This blog specialises in reviews on products online.Best Make Money Strategies site.