Everyone knows that marital separation and divorce generate a high level of emotional pain for both the spouses and their children. However, there is no proof whatsoever on which is less damaging:
• The family that still live together, although their relationship has become mutually and emotionally damaging for the parents; or
• The spouses separating and later divorcing
They realize what will be their family’s future in a long-term status of marriage. This will fall on either one of the three categories:
• About one-fourth of the families do able to thrive as a strong, well-flourished family, in which the spouses are able to resolve conflicts with the use of effective inter-communication.
• About a fourth seriously lacks the qualities of a loving and unified family, yet they still live together with concerns of apathy, financial issues, the best interest of their children, and others.
• About a half separate because of a terrible experience. Eventually, they divorce. This ranges from a relationship failure, to a second degree dreadful experience.
All married couples assume that they will live happily together and forever. Well not all are that lucky to that. They sometimes fail to meet these assumptions. One instance is that:
• They lack proper communications skills.
• They do not exert effort to restore their crumbling relationship.
• Their effect of their marriage gradually wears down as time passes.
• An unsolved dilemma occurs.
• Stress among them is too eminent: they could not cope with it.
• The total breakdown of their relationship ends up divorcing.
Effects (In Short-term):
In most cases, the critical issue to be decided among them is not to divorce, but to separate. Surveys have found out that separating is an intensely difficult incident. Many separated individuals experience an emotional “aftermath” of the separation. All of them suffer depression, guilt, fear, and hopelessness. This will take years before they can restore emotional stability. Oftentimes, an ex-spouse would not cope up towards healing, in which they will remain seriously distressed.
Children will think of themselves as the cause of their parents’ divorce. They regret of not doing the right things a son/daughter must do for the family. They think that if only they could do that earlier, no divorce will happen. They are in need of guidance from relatives, explaining that they are not responsible. Most of them try to reunite their parents.
Not all separation processes are equally tough:
• Couples prefer going through a collaborative divorce or divorce mediation for the process to get faster, better, cheaper, and less emotionally draining, than going through conventional processes of hiring lawyers and resolving the conflicts either by negotiation or by litigation.
• Separation and divorce are more difficult because many additional factors related to child welfare are involved (like child custody).
• Spouses often use their children as pawns in an attempt to punish the other spouse, resulting to separation.
After separation, the average standard of living of the couple degenerates, because one additional residence has to be funded from the family financial resources. Couples who both have careers or have support from their families of origin often more easily handle the financial drains of separation.
The author of this article is Ricardo Mendes. He is a writer and a person who loves dealing with different life circumstances like divorce of some parents. To know more of him, visit [http://www.needadivorceonline.com].